I get it. I’m not even good enough for anyone. Everything I do is wrong. Bye.
Every day is a battle just to get out of bed, just to take the next breath, just to keep going.
I feel like everything has been ripped out from me. My motivation has been slowly drifting away.
All I have going for me in life now a days is music; that’s all I want to do in my life is play and live for music.
And here’s why my motivation is being taken away:
-I got second chair in wind ensemble. Every day my band director calls me out in class about how terrible I sound and how I never do anything right.
-I’ve been working really hard in my band, but I feel like some of the other members don’t want it as bad as I do. All I want to do in my life is tour and play shows.
-The music I’ve been put in charge of in my youth group is falling apart.
I feel like things are falling through my grasp. Too many people are asking too much of me at once. Throw a job and school work on top of that and I can’t do it.
I shake. I just shake.
I shake when I’m cold.
I shake when I feel not good enough.
I shake when I’m scared.
I shake when I feel like its all my fault.
I shake when my world is crumbling.
"Just one of those days" turns into weeks…semesters…years…
I hate the images I see when I close my eyes and try to dream.